Split

I am the type to live in my head. I spend long car rides and the moments before sleep thinking up stories that somehow never make it on to paper. And I fantasize.

I my mind, I still look roughly the same. I still have the same hair, maybe a little smoother and I still have the same body shape, maybe a little slimmer. I don't consciously try to kid myself into thinking that I am truly a size 2, and truth be told I can't even picture myself that way. I guess in my mind I have a flatter stomach and maybe a torso that isn't so long. And then I look in the mirror. Sometimes, the truth of my body shocks me. I know I don't have the body of an athlete, but I had hoped for something better than a bowl of rising bread dough.

The confusing part is that there are other cases of a disjoint between the mental image of the body and the actual image. With people with anorexia or bulimia, the images are reversed so that the mental body is the one that is bigger. So what's up with me?

Maybe I like to fancy myself thinner and assume I look that way in the same way that people think that they are the best writer or singer or whatever in the world. Maybe instead of character traits I imagine myself better physically. However, I am not comparing myself to other people. I don't think that I have a better body with anyone other than my mirror self.

I think the best way to describe my thought process is what I will now call Fat Bastard Syndrome. In my head, I'm "dead sexy" and uphold my belief even when evidence is shown to the contrary. I don't outright deny the flab when I am confronted with it, however once I am away from a mirror long enough the ideal picture of myself comes back and that's how I go on thinking of myself until I look again.

That might not be an accurate description, but it's all I can think of for now. Why is there this huge split between my sexy head image and what I really look like?


(image from here)

Role Models

I recently (as in just finished and was struck with the delicious lightning bolt of inspiration five seconds ago) this post on the Parenting Beyond Belief blog The Meming of Life.  The post dealt with exposing children to movies that might fall outside the traditional bounds of what is a "safe" movie so that the kids are able to have a better grasp on the diversity of characters not only in film but in real life. I fully agree with the idea, because I would rather have  my kids be curious and be able to answer any of their questions rather than have them watch stale "wholesome" movies and not have any questions at all.

One particular quote caught my eye. The author's daughter had realized that Tom Cruise's character in Rain Man was a jerk purely through his use of the word "fuck" and her father wrote:

"She had a chance to handle it, process it, and put it in perspective in our living room rather than on the schoolbus."

This hit a particular chord with me. When I was younger and there was any raunchiness on screen, be it sex or swearing, I would turn red and get uncomfortable. Not because of the nature of what was going on, but because I was with my parents and was afraid that they would be upset if they found out that I knew what was going on. Whenever I laughed at a sex-related joke or somesuch thing, my mom would ask "How do you know what that is?" and I would reply "Because I ride the bus".


The schoolbus was truly a forum from the time I started elementary school until I learned how to drive. There was one adult in charge of about fifty kids, so we could get away with trying out swears we had heard in movies or from older siblings. And there were no ramifications. If you used more swears or understood what Steve Martin's wife meant when she asked "Were you humping the nanny?" in Bringing Down the House, you were all-knowing and mature. Or in other words: cool. Swearing became the standard for being cool so I began to try out more colorful language without knowing fully what I was talking about it. I thought that just knowing the words was enough.


In the case of the Meming article, the author's daughter wasn't hearing "fuck" from a peer, but from a jerk. She didn't want to be a jerk, so she wasn't likely to use the word. Now, I'm not condemning the use of swearing. In fact, I rather like how swears sound and feel when I speak them. I just think that kids are more likely, when exposed to swearing, to use swears without knowing what they mean or whether or not they are hurtful to other people. As for sexual topics, I think that it mostly piques curiosity in the subject. It would be at this point that I would probably have "the talk" or a refresher on the subject to explain what was going on and answer any questions.


In short, I think that I will use this movie practice with my future kids, exposing them to situations and people outside of their immediate surroundings. With this exposure and the explanations their parents give, I hope that they will form their own opinions based on the richness of the human experience and not the confines of the narrow mindset they might have otherwise been exposed to. Plus, as a bonus they might turn into huge movie buffs and I'll have more people to watch Orson Welles movies and A Lust for Life with me!

Less waste (hopefullly)

Today my menstrual cup arrived. Hooray! I'm excited because it's opening up a whole new way for me to handle my period. There is some buzz about potential chemicals in more typical pads and tampons and also the risks for TSS. I personally wasn't too concerned with that, but I was concerned about the waste aspect. How much of my uterine lining is sitting in a landfill right now, trapped by layers of cotton and plastic? I thought about reusable pads too, but living in a college environment and changing pads as often as I do, having 20+ pads that I would have to wash at the end of the week in a public laundry room wasn't the best idea.

Plus there was a money issue.How much do I pay to make sure I had enough supplies? I figured that I might as well pay $40 this one time and then not buy menstrual products for as long as my cup holds out, which could be years. Awesome! Besides, pads are pretty expensive as it is and I go through a fair few so I hope that my new Lunette Selene will pay for itself in due time.

After I decided to pursue buying a menstrual cup, I researched the different kinds that were out there. Most of them are made out of medical-grade silicone, so I didn't have to worry about comparing materials. Mostly I looked at size and shape. I wanted a cup with ridges at the bottom so that my fingers wouldn't slip off when I tried to remove it and also a flat tab as opposed to a hollow one so that no *achem* gunk would get in it. The Lunette Selene had some good reviews  and I decided to go with it because I thought that it would be large enough to handle the task without being too uncomfortable.

Even though I am not currently having my period, I decided to do a trial run just to get a feel for it. Literally. I am going to keep doing this over the next couple of weeks to make sure that I have the insertion and removal techniques down so that I don't have any leakage issues when my time comes. I think I may have to trim the tab a little bit or maybe even off completely, but I'm going to go a little bit at a time. I'm also going to try a few different folding techniques to see which one works best for me.

I think if someone is considering getting a menstrual cup, first and foremost they should be comfortable touching their vagina. I read some reviews online where people were uncomfortable with the fact that they had to pull the cup out of themselves in order to empty it. Plus, there might be some adjusting to do after the cup is inserted. It's almost like contact lenses: if you don't like touching your eye, maybe you should pursue other options. Also, I would suggest doing research and doing it thoroughly. I actually tried my best to measure the distance to my cervix in order to make sure that the cup I was buying wasn't too large. Maybe it's just me, but I thought it was a valid point to consider. I also found this site very helpful for side to side comparisons. Overall, I am pleased with the decision that I made and hopefully I won't have to buy pads ever again!

(image from here)

Boo yah

Our society has a strange mindset when it comes to money. Western culture, and indeed most cultures it seems, admires people who are able to spend a lot of money. However, lately we have also started to admire people who are able to save as much money as possible even when buying things. Sure, we're impressed when someone has enough money to cover their toilet in 24 carat gold, but we're even more impressed when they find a $50 shop vac at a home improvement store for $10. Does this mean that they not only have money to spend, but are also cunning enough to navigate the commercial world and find the deal that works best for them?

I just had a similar experience. I have been considering getting a menstrual cup for some time (a topic for another post) and primarily started looking on Amazon.com. I did some outside research to find reviews as well as visual comparisons between different cups until I narrowed it down to one I liked best. It was $39.99. I started to go through with the order until I remembered that there is such a thing as shipping and handling charges, so now my total rose to $45.90. Sure, that isn't too much of a chunk taken out of my wallet but I had just decided to go with the more expensive of the two cups I was considering and was already smarting from that $10 difference.

So I took a leap of faith: I Googled other possible vendors for the cup I wanted and found a maternity store which also sold menstrual products. The cup was the same price, however by a hint of luck they were having a free shipping promotion for Independence Day. This time I really was paying $39.99. Then I decided to test my luck one more time: I looked for an online coupon. Surprisingly, I found a valid promotion code which took 10% off of my order, dropping my total to about $35.

So why do we value saving money while spending it? I don't know. However, I rather enjoy the process. Although I am somewhat of a consumerist *hangs head*, if something is too expensive I tend not to buy it until I find a better price. Maybe looking for a better deal registers in my mind as working harder for the product, telling myself that I deserve it because I found such a good price. In fact, I have even had those moments when I told myself it would be a bad thing if I didn't buy something on a sale price. Although I am reveling in this victory, I know that I am feeding my own problem. I just spent half of a day's wages on a menstrual product I'm not sure will even fit. However, at least I didn't pay nearly $50 for it!

(image from here)