Am I in trouble?

I was faced with the realization yesterday that I have gained a few pounds. This was a little shocking to me because I had been enjoying my weight loss and now I had to start worrying again about what I eat. I was also struck with a feeling of helplessness. I have to admit that my house doesn't contain much healthy food. This, combined with my near lack of self control when it comes to eating explains the five pounds I've gained.

I have been trying to console myself by saying that once summer is over and I am back at college, the weight will come of. For once, that isn't a false promise and I am truly looking forward to eating local food. I love going to the Farmer's Market, looking at all the vegetables that are misshapen and would be thrown out at a supermarket just because they aren't symmetrical. I like the people who mind the stands with dirt on their aprons from the produce. I love bringing it back and cooking a meal, the repetition of cooking and the wait for the onions to caramelize. But what happens when I'm back from the break?

My mom does the grocery shopping on Saturdays. Always at the same store, and usually the same products. There is little room for variety. Don't get me wrong, my mom is an amazing cook. It's because of her food that I usually don't like to eat at other people's houses and why restaurants are just places to go when she doesn't feel like cooking. However, her meals no longer fit into what my ideal kitchen is.

Toward the end of last year I had all but sworn-off Coke. At meal times I would get a sparkling water and I promised myself that I would continue the trend into the summer. However, I promptly went on a soda-binge. To confess, I had three cans of Diet Coke today. Why? I don't need the caffeine. It's probably the taste but also because I can't be bothered to think of anything else to drink. And also, it keeps showing up in the fridge.

My problems are mostly my own fault. I admit. I have a very passive attitude when it comes to my diet, preferring to forage and graze on what I find in the cupboards. I have a bag of quinoa that hasn't been touched in months sitting next to a half-empty bag of Lay's. I am really afraid of winter break and next summer. I'll have gone gluten and other allergen-free for months, and then come home to see a feast of untouchables in front of me. I hate that I am starting to develop an attitude of trying to get as much sweets and processed food as I can before I go to college because it will be the last chance I have for a while. But really, I won't miss the processed food that much. I am just making excuses for eating. So what's to stop me when I have a month of Christmas goodies to eat?