Role Models

I recently (as in just finished and was struck with the delicious lightning bolt of inspiration five seconds ago) this post on the Parenting Beyond Belief blog The Meming of Life.  The post dealt with exposing children to movies that might fall outside the traditional bounds of what is a "safe" movie so that the kids are able to have a better grasp on the diversity of characters not only in film but in real life. I fully agree with the idea, because I would rather have  my kids be curious and be able to answer any of their questions rather than have them watch stale "wholesome" movies and not have any questions at all.

One particular quote caught my eye. The author's daughter had realized that Tom Cruise's character in Rain Man was a jerk purely through his use of the word "fuck" and her father wrote:

"She had a chance to handle it, process it, and put it in perspective in our living room rather than on the schoolbus."

This hit a particular chord with me. When I was younger and there was any raunchiness on screen, be it sex or swearing, I would turn red and get uncomfortable. Not because of the nature of what was going on, but because I was with my parents and was afraid that they would be upset if they found out that I knew what was going on. Whenever I laughed at a sex-related joke or somesuch thing, my mom would ask "How do you know what that is?" and I would reply "Because I ride the bus".


The schoolbus was truly a forum from the time I started elementary school until I learned how to drive. There was one adult in charge of about fifty kids, so we could get away with trying out swears we had heard in movies or from older siblings. And there were no ramifications. If you used more swears or understood what Steve Martin's wife meant when she asked "Were you humping the nanny?" in Bringing Down the House, you were all-knowing and mature. Or in other words: cool. Swearing became the standard for being cool so I began to try out more colorful language without knowing fully what I was talking about it. I thought that just knowing the words was enough.


In the case of the Meming article, the author's daughter wasn't hearing "fuck" from a peer, but from a jerk. She didn't want to be a jerk, so she wasn't likely to use the word. Now, I'm not condemning the use of swearing. In fact, I rather like how swears sound and feel when I speak them. I just think that kids are more likely, when exposed to swearing, to use swears without knowing what they mean or whether or not they are hurtful to other people. As for sexual topics, I think that it mostly piques curiosity in the subject. It would be at this point that I would probably have "the talk" or a refresher on the subject to explain what was going on and answer any questions.


In short, I think that I will use this movie practice with my future kids, exposing them to situations and people outside of their immediate surroundings. With this exposure and the explanations their parents give, I hope that they will form their own opinions based on the richness of the human experience and not the confines of the narrow mindset they might have otherwise been exposed to. Plus, as a bonus they might turn into huge movie buffs and I'll have more people to watch Orson Welles movies and A Lust for Life with me!